Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
