It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
