It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
