We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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