Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
