that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
