I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
