I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
