I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
