It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
