you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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