I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
