They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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