new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
