Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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