I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
