turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
