hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
