took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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