You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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