chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
