I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
