GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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