im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
