We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How does one acquire holy water?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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