How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
