Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
