It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
