I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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