TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
