This is not my ceiling
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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