Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
