no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
