Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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