Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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