Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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