he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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