rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He did a backflip because drugs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
