Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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