sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
