sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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