I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
