Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
