If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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