First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
