4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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