he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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