I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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