On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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