So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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