Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
