You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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