i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
