hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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