I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
