Can i not drive my cunt home
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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