I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
