can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We need to get me chipped asap
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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