I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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