Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
